#53 - Imposter Syndrome is Totally Normal and Maybe Even Helpful
Perspectives on the value of imposter syndrome and a story from my past about how I grew with the help of colleagues
I always remember the first day of a new job or project. Maybe it’s because making it to that very point where you’re on the team is an accomplishment. Like getting picked for a sports team. O the Euphoria!
Eh, maybe that’s part of it — like 30%. At least for me, 70% of what makes those moments so resonant is imposter syndrome.
It’s that feeling where you feel insecure because you haven’t done this exact thing before. You don’t know if you’re respected by your colleagues. You don’t know how this endeavor is going to turn out, and you’re altogether a ball of nerves.
I’ve been there many, many, many times, and those nerves are what lead to increased focus on getting it right.
I love that place. That place where you’re trying to "get it right.” Where you’re unlocking every part of your brain to make something work, and you know that through that exercise you’ll build intellectual muscles. That’s… really cool.
^^^This is how I’ve come to moderate the negative feelings of imposter syndrome, and to almost embrace that feeling because I know what it will lead to… Growth.
Most of us (if not all of us) have been here before. The research certainly indicates as much:
Up to 82% of people face feelings of impostor phenomenon, struggling with the sense they haven’t earned what they’ve achieved and are a fraud (Bravata, D. M., et al., Journal of General Internal Medicine, Vol. 35, No. 4, 2020).
But it’s what you do with the feeling of imposter syndrome that defines how you will grow (or not) and who you are going to be
It’s oh so easy to let those feelings of imposter-ness pulverize any potential of movement… to freeze, to second-guess. To blame others for your feelings. It can stem from this fear of failure.
I think the fear of failure is an utterly normal and healthy thing. It’s what makes us think through why a project might fail, something I’ve written about before in Letter 008 - Tactics for Running Kickass Projects is “running a failure prediction exercise.”
But what I didn’t cover there was the personal failure prediction exercise. Not just focusing on why a project might fail, but getting underneath how YOU might underperform before it happens.
This sort of self-honesty is so hard, but it also can prepare you for what setbacks might be coming…And that pre-processing time investment might just be the narrow difference between freezing up and instead taking action —> learning —> growing.
So, to summarize: imposter syndrome is totally normal —> it might cause you to focus in on how to avoid failure —> this dialed-up focus might push you to stretch…to try new things —> and even if you do underperform, you will have learned
To quote the great Michael Jordan, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that’s why I succeed” == this is the encapsulation of how I’ve thought about imposter syndrome. Always viewing each experience as an attempt… And knowing that, eventually, I’ll get it right.
A personal anecdote: in ~March of 2015, I was removed from a project after: (1) clashing with a teammate who I found to be extremely rude, and (2) making a mistake on a model that caused the team to work past our usual 8pm stop time until about 1 in the morning. It felt awful. I remember going into my next project feeling completely, utterly defeated. Here’s what I wrote to myself in my journals during that time :
I am completely dejected and incapable of functioning here. Everyone seems smarter and more confident than I am. They’re more polished. They’re all from higher-ranked schools. Their clothes are nicer and more fitted than mine, and they all know that my last project ended with me getting kicked off. They look at me like I don’t belong here, and yet I keep showing up here. Why am I doing this to myself? This fucking hurts. But I keep showing up. And that’s it: keep showing up. Keep trying. One day you will look back on this and marvel at how much you’ve grown. You’ve gotta believe that’s going to happen, even if you don’t have the ability to see the path to that point yet.
Oh, and Michael: you really do need to stop procrastinating on asking for coaching and feedback. Even if you feel like these people are a bit hostile towards you, take the leap and ask for coaching. Eventually one of them will say Yes… I hope?
Several of them said Yes. They re-taught me everything — how to prepare an agenda, how to take better notes, how to do better storyboarding, how to build cleaner, easier models, how to lean into my technology fluency, how to run kickass meetings, how to ask for and give feedback, how to run incredible customer interviews, etc. — all things that ended up being the foundation of!…. A successful project.
And another successful project…
And another… and so on.
In closing, I still feel imposter syndrome. It’s not as potent as it used to be, but it’s there. I’m constantly around people who have more experience or more depth in areas that I don’t. The pace of change is always so rapid, and we’re all trying to wrap our heads around it and act quickly…and effectively. And the prospect of failure is always right there at our backs. And in those moments of pressure, I take pride in being in the room…In being on the team, because even if you don’t feel like you deserve to be in that room, you probably did deserve your place there.
…But keeping your place is an altogether different endeavor that requires you to not lose sight of what you got you here, and to be eyes-wide-open about what will be required of you and those around you to get you there (to your goal). Will write about that at another time, but if you want a bit of a preview just go read my recent letter on Delegation Not Being an Excuse for Disconnection.