#50 - Lessons from Joan Davis (RIP, 3/14/23)
When you clicked subscribe, were you expecting some super thought-out, planned experience? Were you expecting a marketing campaign? For this to turn into a business? For me to start having a premium, paid subscriber business? I wasn’t!
This whole thing has been a wonderful experiment that is evolving in real-time, which is to say: I didn’t even know what it would turn out to be 14 months ago when I started cranking out letters. I didn’t envision writing about family — my focus area is on the art of management, which includes “self management.”
But when I reflect on where this whole interest came from, it came from my Dad. It came from watching him do this thing called “business-building” and “deal making” while we were a purely-middle class family in the outskirts of Atlanta, dreaming that maybe — just maybe — the future could be a little bit brighter. As I watched him work 80+ hours every week for years, I marveled at how a human being could possibly stay sane, let alone passionate about something that was so utterly brutal. I also observed the crushing downsides of huge responsibility, and have been endlessly fascinated by how one can configure themselves and their behavior in such a way as to help them make a notable, positive impact on the world… all while living “a good life” (meaning that you haven’t wrecked your mental or physical health, and that you feel emotionally fulfilled…or something like that).
All of that came from generations and generations of people before us, people like my grandmother.
Joan Davis passed away earlier today, March 14th, 2023. She passed surrounded by family, likely hearing the sounds of young children laughing while the cool Georgia sun streaked into her room. She passed after 89 years with us, and having gifted the world a wonderful book of poems, many inappropriate sex jokes, and three wonderful children who are each warm, kind, and unbelievably intelligent. She came from nothing (financially) and something (spiritually as it relates to family), raised three successful children out of the hoods of Washington, D.C., and lived out her later years seeing five grandchildren do awesome things that I doubt her late husband, Eugene, could have ever imagined possible. But beyond her broader impact, she was just a wonderful human who constitutes some of my earliest memories of life. Her cooking was BOMB, and her pride in her grandchildren was out of this world. She was never shy at telling us how proud she was of us all, and she was always there to give you advice and to remind you to work harder than you think you needed to, but also to know when to give yourself a break.
(This is me and my grandmother on a dream vacation to Hawaii when I was 16. It was our first “big” vacation… The longest flight I had taken at that point in my life. My grandfather had passed a bit before this, and my mom, Dad, grandma, and I went to the islands for a week. I was a moody god damned teenager, dealing with a breakup on the trip, but/and my grandmother and I talked for many hours about life, dreams, and everything in between).
I oftentimes will use the word “incredible” to describe where the family has come under her stewardship. Let’s break down that word I just quoted —
in - credible. Reasonably understood to mean, not credible. Reasonably assumed to mean: so wild as to not be credible.
I stand by the usage of this word because what she produced was just that — so wild as to seem like bullshit. Raise three Black kids in one of the roughest zip codes in the United States, with zero family “wealth”, an extremely low chance of success for each of them. And yet, all three somehow had excellent grades in high school, made it into literally some of the best institutions in the world, somehow came out to be wonderful humans who are kind and giving, self-critical and deeply interested in learning more about others. They care about the world right around them, and the world far beyond them… And they welcome people into their homes so often that, at this point, it’s sometimes hard to remember who is actually a blood relative and who isn’t. Oh, and bonus points for having an IMMENSE propensity for service, philanthropy, and civics.
So, how did she do it? Eleven lessons from my grandmother
This is a question I’ve been trying to answer for years, especially as we plan for a future with kids running around (well, my dog child is currently running around, barking at — can you BELIEVE it?? — dogs outside of our home). I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to answer it fully, but I’ll try to do it now if for no reason beyond paying homage to a wonderful human being, and letting her know, explicitly, some of the things I take away from the countless hours we spent together over the last 32 years. At this point, not sure if I’m going to elaborate on them… We’ll see what I feel like saying/doing as I go through this.
Have a high standard for yourself (in how you behave, in what you will achieve personally and professionally)
Be polite to others, even when they are impolite to you
When it comes to learning, work harder than you think you need to…
But also have fun on a regular basis
Keep rituals (daily, monthly, yearly)
Freaking just be kind to other people
Don’t interrupt other people; listen more before you respond (…I think I’m like 90% good about this)
Practice gratitude for every thing you have. Taking things for granted is the beginning of spiritual decline
Spend time writing (I’ll link
Invest the time in understanding your family’s history — the great, the good, the neutral / confusing, the bad, and the ugly
Discipline wins championships (a.k.a.: trends not dots)
Show your gratitude; don’t assume that others know
Invest deeply in your family. Keep in touch with them. Check in on them. Invite them over regularly, and actually take the time to ask them about their lives!
And your “family” doesn’t just need to be blood relatives. It can be people who come to be so central to your life that they transcend into being what I like to call “friend fam”
And i’ll leave it there for now. I like to think these points are some of the underpinnings of how I try to show up for friends, family, and colleagues every day… And while I surely have plenty of things I’m workin’ on (don’t we all?), I think it’s healthy to reflect on the things we’ve done right and done well. And when I think back to how any of the positive things I’ve done were possible, it starts with the foundation I internalized from my family, and my grandmother was a massive part of that.
…But one more thing (I just heard Steve Jobs say that, and feel like I’m setting you up for disappointment because I’m not revealing the next iPhone): your life is a precious, special thing. And the time you have on this Earth is nothing short of a gift. To the best of your ability, remember to slow time down every so often and just relish the people and things you have around you. As I reflect on a woman passing after 89 years alive, I’m reminded of the fact that every day is fleeting, and that time is your most valuable resource… And how you spend your time matters, even the brief — seemingly typical — moments with your friends and families.
I’ll be back next week with a more typical Exonomist letter. I’ve really been wanting to share some of what’s been circling in my head about this book I want to write on ancient Empires, management lessons from said empires, and how that can relate to the organization of our markets today. I’ve been going back and forth between writing a really purely career-focused book and doing something that’s more purely business focused… But what I keep coming back to is both of those topics, and also my enduring love of the Classics and ancient civilizations. Probably a 20% chance the book project ends up actually being set in this intersection of Business, Career, and Empires…But hey: you gotta give it a go and see if it works!
Wonderful article, Michael. Thank you for sharing!